In anticipation of the Philadelphia Phillies impending first world championship since 1980, Barack Obama and Joe Biden have scheduled dual press conferences in Seattle and Pittsburgh on Tuesday morning. It will be announced that in the 1st 100 days of an Obama administration, Phillies stars Cole Hamels and Ryan Howard will be assigned to the Mariners and Pirates without compensation to Philadelphia as "it's only fair that some of the teams behind the Phillies can share in some of their success."
On a related note, the federal government is planning to announce a 1 billion dollar bailout package for the New York Yankees and Mets. It seems that, in order to save our beloved national pasttime, these organizations cannot be permitted to be excluded from any future post season play. Rumored to be part of the package are cabinet level positions in the next administration for Pedro Martinez, Carlos Delgado, and Jason Giambi. Wow, talk about buying up bad assets.
And there go another 5 minutes of your life you're never getting back.
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