Poker Under The Sea

Seven days and counting. And based on what follows, it is abundantly clear that I need to get away. Too much kid stuff and not enough adult debauchery. That. Shall. Change. For a long weekend, at least.

In lieu of anything thought provoking or even interesting in the least, here's some nonsense about what the poker scene would look like in Bikini Bottom.

Sponge Bob Square Pants - Also known as Bikini Bottom Square, Sponge Bob traded in his jellyfishing net for a seat at the aquatic felt. Much like his previous hobby, though, he has an affinity for refusing to scoop any pot he wins, preferring to release the chips back into the wild. Needless to say, when he is playing, the rail can become quite the profitable location.

Patrick Star - Although Patrick lives under a rock, that classification certainly cannot be applied to his game. Playing every hand, inevitably someone will need to call for a clock at which point Patrick will usually attempt to order a sandwich from the dealer. Other than his best friend, no one really likes being at the table with him.

Eugene H Krabs - Tiring of sobbing uncontrollably every time he was forced to post a blind or ante, Mr. Krabs decided to make some easy money opening the Krusty Kasino. This player friendly establishment offers such amenities as a 25% rake and full price cocktails at the tables.

Sandy Cheeks - She's from Texas y'all, nuff said.

Squidward Tentacles - The underwater poker brat is constantly perplexed by the play of all of the bottom feeders surrounding him at the table. Squidward tries to apply level 3 thinking to his opponents, like Patrick, who don't realize that they aren't actually at Super Weenie Hut. The result? The blow ups are spectacular.

Ugh, I could go on but why bother? Dumbest. Post. Ever. T-7 days until the Vegas retreat. Boy do I need it.

And there go another 5 minutes of your life you're not getting back...