Suicide Is Painless

We had the good ole deep stack riverchasers free roll at the golf course last night. Griff got things going just after 7:30 as the stragglers required an additional table be brought out. It was an interesting first table, to say the least. I think 3 or 4 of those guys play together fairly frequently, and 2 or 3 of them were definitely stoned out of their minds. Right before the cards fly, one of them comments to another guy that he thinks that he looks like Donald Sutherland. Personally, since I was not completely fogged by THC, I didn't see the resemblance but his assertion did lead to a discussion of M*A*S*H for the entire first level. Whatever. At least it was a little different than the usual witty banter I'm subjected to while playing free bar poker.

I finally found my first good spot about an hour in when a few limpers let me see a free flop with KTo. Since the SB folded and I was first to act, I checked the flop dark. Being as tight as I am, I like to check dark in this position to see if I can induce the looser players behind me to bet. That way, if I do hit the flop hard, I can actually make a little money on the hand. I'm not sure how much of an imbecile it takes to not notice if a player in the BB who has hardly played for an hour suddenly comes out firing on the flop in an unraised pot. I'm sure they're out there, but I don't think they were the ones still in the hand.

So where am I going with this? Good question. The flop came down QJ9 rainbow. I had flopped the rocks. Unfortunately, there were no bettors after my dark check. Then the turn came with the 5♠, putting a second spade on board. Check, check. If someone was going to make a backdoor flush on me, they were going to have to pay to try. But I didn't want to shut out someone holding a ten either as half their straight cards would end up stacking them, so I bet around 2/3 of the pot and got 2 callers. ok - what am I probably up against? Maybe a pair and a draw, or even just the draw. And what cards am I afraid of? Definitely any spade. And I didn't particularly want to see a K or a T either. So the river brings an offsuit 2 and my rocks are now the nuts. Both opponents check and I bet about 3/4 of the pot which, at this point, is 1/4 of the starting stack. One caller. He showed JT for second pair and oesd on the flop. I really wish he would've caught his 8... or T... or J. He actually said he thought I was on a busted flush draw. Huh? Did my lack of play help him with that read? Thank you, sir. Well played.

Anyway, not too long after that I am sitting in the SB at 5/10. A fairly tight player min raises from UTG+1. Cutoff calls as do I with QQ. BB kicks in the extra bet and 4 go to the flop. Ten high. Both blinds check and the initial raiser continues which I call, as does the cutoff. Jack on the turn and I check again. All in for about 1/6 of the pot. We both call and check the river and the AT is all out. I flip my queens and the cutoff mucks in disgust. Sometimes sandbagging just feels like the right way to go.

Then a few hands later, I pick up 88 in MP. 3x BB raise chases everyone but the blinds. These are the same 2 players from the nut straight hand. Flop is AKx and they both check. I c-bet and the SB calls and BB folds. I'm done with this hand unless I can spike an 8. SB is definitely an any ace kind of guy, and probably won't lay it down, even to a bigger kicker. Which I don't have. We end up checking it down, and he flips KQo. Dammit. I probably could have gotten him to lay it down if I would have had the courage to fire another round or two. Oh well.

At this point, unfortunately, the table breaks and I get moved to the LAG-tard table. Just stay out of the way unless you have it and if they catch the miracle, that's the way it goes. I stayed out of the way, posted a few blinds and the table broke down to leave 3. My new table was all solid players along with the one solid player from LAGland who also happened to have a mountain of chips. At least I beat him over to the new table while he was trying to gather his chips and I sat to his left.

Blinds are now 25/50, I have 300 left, and we're playing 9 handed. I see nothing to play. Nothing. Down to 175 in the BB with K♥6♥. One early limper (KQ guy) and the big stack in the SB elects to fold (wow) and I get to see a free flop. I hit middle pair on a raggedy rainbow flop and we both check. When the 2♥ turns, I check-raise all in to a min bet and his A2 does not improve. Finally, I catch KK but it's UTG. Since blinds are 50/100, I push for less than 4x BB, but everyone folds. We come back around, now at 100/200 and I'm UTG+1 and find K♥Q♥. After the mountain UTG limps, I push for my remaining 475. Everyone folds to the BB who throws in his single remaining 25 chip and UTG does not feel like putting in another 15% of his stack. BB flips K♦4♦ and, of course, a 4 comes right through the door. Thankfully, the flop also 4 flushes me, but makes me wait until the river to catch one of my 12 outs.

So, just like that, we start the 10 handed final table. Although I've grown my stack to 1000, I'm now sitting directly between the two chip leaders. Joy. Plus, I get to be the first BB after redrawing for the button, and quickly lose my blinds. It's about that time, and the push fest begins. I find 52o three hands in a row, followed by a much stronger 92o. Then the blinds go to 200/400 and push-and-pray is in high gear. BB finally finds my position and in goes 4/7 of my stack. MP shoves for exactly 700 and all fold to my 8♠5♠. Pot is 1300 and I have to call 300 more with a 200 SB next hand. I call. He has A3o. I get 2 spades on the flop and both my hole cards are still live, but 15 outs twice is just too improbable for me to overcome and IGH in 8th out of around 60 runners. Well at least I didn't do anything stupid.

Due to conditions beyond our control, we regret to announce that lunch is now being served.
Shouldn't we say grace?
Praise the Lord and pass the sauce.